|
Will You Help Me Hear You?
By Max K. Kennedy
"SHHH" Journal, Nov/Dec 1986
Issue
Hearing loss is the most
prevalent serious disability in
the United States today.
Approximately one out of every
thirteen people has a hearing
disability. It affects two out
of 100 children, and about four
in 100 young adults. But by
middle ages the incidence has
been to one in ten, and by the
time of retirement nearly one in
four is affected.
There are two very closely
related consequences of hearing
loss which greatly affect the
hearing impaired person. First
is the reaction by the hearing
impaired person to gradually
withdraw from contact with other
people. When I first read about
this reaction, I analyzed my own
behavior, and, to my surprise, I
found that I was doing just
that. The strange thing to me
was that it was not the result
of a conscious decision on my
part. Up until that time I had
been unaware of this behavior.
I began to make an effort to
change this pattern in my life.
It has been a difficult goal to
accomplish.
After some observation and study
I became aware of the natural
tendency of others to avoid
those who have difficulty
hearing. I can best explain by
giving you an example from my
actual experience. Let’s assume
I am in an informal gathering
with a group of people at
someone’s home. I am not very
well acquainted with most of
them, but they all know I am
hard of hearing. When they
first meet me they shake my hand
and exchange a typical
greeting. Then they quickly
leave to talk with someone
else. None of them will try to
carry on a conversation with
me. If I stand by myself they
will leave me alone. It is rare
for anyone to join me. Why do
others react in this manner?
Are they somewhat unaware of
their reaction as I was about my
withdrawal? I don’t know the
answer to this question but I do
know every hearing impaired
individual has similar
experiences.
A hearing impairment seems to be
the most difficult disability
for others to accept and deal
with because people are
generally very sensitive to
others who have any kind of a
physical handicap. No one wants
to say or do anything which
would further hurt or embarrass
them. Additionally, the
inability to hear cuts the
channel of verbal communication
which is necessary for most
human relationships. Usually
you initially cope with a
handicapped individual by
ignoring the disability. For
example, if you meet an
individual in a wheelchair it is
fairly easy not to pay any
direct attention to the
wheelchair. In addition, with
most handicapped people, many of
the things you can do to help
them are obvious.
A hearing person is faced with
three problems when meeting someone who
has a hearing disability.
First, this handicap is
invisible…there is no prior
warning of the condition.
Second, because of its
disruptive effect on the
communication, this disability
cannot be ignored. One if
immediately faced with the
problem of how to communicate
with the individual. Third,
with the possible exception of
raising the voice level, which
usually doesn’t help much, there
are no obvious actions which can
be taken which will help. I
believe these problems are to
some degree the reason why
others avoid the hearing
impaired person.
Now consider what can be done to
change these reactions. I have
developed these recommendations
over a number of years from my
personal experience as a hearing
impaired person. It is
important to realize that a
hearing aid will not help
everyone, and an aid doesn’t
completely restore a person’s
hearing to normal. Virtually
all hearing impaired people,
whether they use a hearing aid
or not, depend to some degree
upon speech reading. Therefore,
these recommendations will help
in the communication s process
with anyone who is hearing
impaired, and in many instances,
even with those who have normal
hearing. Here are some of the
things you can do, along with
me, to help me hear you.
First, I have found it helps to
let others know I am hard of
hearing. This seems to somewhat
lessen the uncertainty others
have about me. In this way,
hopefully, you will not be so
concerned about hurting my
feelings. You will also feel
free to discuss my handicap with
me sooner than you normally
would. Such a discussion helps
both of us to understand and
accept hearing impairment. I
now recognize and accept my
handicap and it helps us both if
you know that. It is important
to realize this is a difficult
action for most hearing impaired
individuals to initially take.
Second, please recognize that I
must be able to see your face,
preferably straight on and in
reasonably good light to be able
to understand you. Don’t stand
or sit with your back to a
window. The glare will make it
impossible for me to see you
clearly. Always try to face me
when you talk, even when others
are present. Remember the
others can hear you, but I must
see you! From my own experience
I know that is very hard to
remember and do because we miss
the nonverbal feedback from
others in the group. It takes a
deliberate effort to face only
one individual in a group.
Please keep your hands away from
your face. You would be
surprised how many people cover
some part of their face with
their gestures when they talk.
Also, such actions as chewing
gum or holding anything between
your lips when you talk makes it
more difficult for me to
understand you.
Third, you may try to talk to me
and get no response. I am not
stuck up or ignoring you, I just
didn’t hear you. This is
especially true if you
approached me from the rear or
the side. I am probably
completely unaware you said
anything. It may be necessary
for you to touch me to get my
attention. You’ll find, once I
am looking at you, I’ll probably
be able to understand you. In a
classroom I try to sit close
enough to the front to see the
instructor clearly. This means
I don’t understand any comments
made by those seated behind me.
As a result I may make a remark
which essentially repeats what
someone just said. In addition,
you may find I talk either too
softly or too loudly. This is
because it is extremely
difficult for me to judge the
loudness of my own voice. You
will not embarrass me by calling
such actions to my attention,
but this will help me
communicate with you.
Fourth, speak clearly and
distinctly, without exaggerating
your normal lip or other facial
movements. Speaking a little
slower will sometimes be very
helpful. Don’t raise your voice
because that will also distort
your lip movements. It doesn’t
help anyway, at least in my
case. If I can’t understand you
by reading your lips, you can’t
shout loud enough for me hear
you anyway.
Fifth, please understand that it
is hard to follow conversation
by speech reading. It isn’t as
easy as the movies would lead
you to believe. Here are a few
of the things which make it
difficult. Some sounds, which
are formed in the throat, can’t
be seen; and hence give no
visible clues. Some words look
the same on the lips and the
correct word has to be selected
from the context of what was
said. A good example are the
words “phone,” and “vote.” Look
at yourself in a mirror and say
them. Even sounds which have
very distinct movements when
said alone are usually altered
when combined with others at
normal conversation speed.
Finally, many groups of
individual sounds have identical
patterns on the lips. Consider
words which begin “M,” “P,” or
“B.” If you look in the mirror
when you say them you will note
your lips come together
identically for all three of
them. Again, I must rely on
context to select the right
one. In order to speech
read, I
have to pay very close attention
to the visual clues and
concentrate on what is being
said.
Sixth, while I depend on
speech reading, I do hear some
sounds. What I can hear helps
me overcome some of the
speech reading problems. For
this reason, it is more
difficult for me when there is a
lot of background noise such as
music or a group of people
talking. In fact, background
noise which you may not notice
will greatly affect me; example,
a fan in a heat duct. I very
much appreciate it when someone
turns off a TV, record player,
or does something else which
will reduce the noise level. I
also recognize it is not always
possible to reduce the
background noise level, for
example at a party or large
gathering.
Seventh, as a speech reader, I am
at my best in a one-on-one
conversation. I may be able to
keep up with two people, but
beyond that point, it rapidly
becomes impossible. I just
can’t turn my head fast enough
to keep up with what is being
said. I avoid large groups of
people for this reason.
Eighth, it helps if you let me
know when you change the
subject, otherwise it may take
me a while to get tuned in
again. This is because I have
to depend a great deal upon
context in order to understand.
A good way to do this is to use
the expression, “New subject,”
before you begin talking about a
new topic. This alerts me to
the change, and I won’t spend
time trying to fit context with
something that doesn’t match.
Time is critical if I am to be
able to keep up with our
conversation.
Ninth, if you say something I
just don’t understand, it
usually doesn’t help to repeat
it exactly the same way more
than once. The best way is to
rephrase it. Usually if you
just restate a few key words, I
will be able to pick up the
meaning.
Tenth, names of places and
people are very difficult for me
to understand. It is impossible
to associate them with context. In
addition, many of them have a
preferred pronunciation and I am
unable to hear it. Sometimes I
must see a name written in order
to understand it. The best way
to help me understand the
pronunciation of a name is to
use another common word it
rhymes with to illustrate it.
These ten suggestions will
help. I have many friends and
business associates who use
them, and we are able to
communicate with each other with
very little difficulty. I hope
hearing persons will try to
apply them with family member
and friends who are hard of
hearing. Some of these
suggestions are very different
from what normally hearing
persons usually do. We have to
remember to apply them. This is
particularly difficult when a
hearing person only occasionally
comes in contact with someone
who is hard of hearing. A
deliberate effort is required.
As with most things, the more
they are applied, the easier
they become. Discuss this
article with someone who is
hearing impaired. It may help
in determining what special
things a hearing person can do
to help a hearing impaired
person communicate more
effectively.
Finally, please remember—my
understanding begins with your
understanding.
A personal note: I find it
very useful to always carry a
pen and a notepad small enough
to fit in my pocket or purse.
If you have trouble
understanding what someone is
trying to tell you, ask them to
write down a few key words; and
you can usually put the pieces
together with their
notes......Delores
|
